


Waking Up Beside You

by HayamaRei



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One of those 'reasons why wash can't sleep' fics, Some fluff if you squint, Wash deserves all the hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-31
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-08-12 05:38:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7922566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HayamaRei/pseuds/HayamaRei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even years later some things still haunt Agent Washington. When they do, Tucker is there to chase them away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking Up Beside You

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to my beta [IbelieveinMarkNutt](http://archiveofourown.org/users/IbelieveinMarkNutt/pseuds/IbelieveinMarkNutt) for making sure this is readable!

"Stand down, I'll take it from here." Wash watches himself say as he has a million times before. 

It's not the first time he's been here, and he doubts it will be the last. He has long since stopped fighting it. 

The Meta growls, "I said back off."

"Wha- what's happening?" Simmons looks so confused and innocent in that moment, and it makes Wash's chest tighten. He might have accepted it, but it hasn't become any easier to go through it. 

"Where is it?" Washington asks, and the need to punch himself in the face is great. He can't though, he's just an outside viewer to it all. 

Simmons appears even more confused. "Where's what? Why aren't you two fighting?" 

"The epsilon unit, I know you have it. Give it to me."

Lopez says something in Spanish, but Wash doesn't pay much attention to it. Simmons is always the one who talks the most. "Wait wait wait, you're working with... the Meta?" 

 

"Don't make me repeat myself." 

The part Wash dreads the most is approaching. He sometimes sees it when he's awake, too, when he's sitting alone with nothing to occupy his mind, but the memory always the strongest in moments like this one. 

Lopez speaks again, and Wash holds his breath, looking away. 

Agent Washington pulls the trigger and Lopez hits the ground. 

"Oh my God! He just shot Lopez!" Donut shouts.

Another gunshot. 

He waits for Donut's words to follow but they don't. This makes him look at the scene again.

What he sees makes his breath hitch in his throat. 

"You shot him! You shot Tucker!" Simmons cries out, looking straight at him. Him, not the memory of him, but Wash himself. He glances down and there's a gun in his hands. He drops it as if it burnt him. 

"N- no. This- this isn't right. This isn't what happened." He says, unsure why he's defending himself. He wants to run and make sure Tucker is okay, but instead his body takes a step back. He can't tear his eyes away from where Tucker lies motionless on the ground. "I didn't... He- he wasn't even here! I- it, it wasn't him-" 

"So you would prefer it to be me instead?" Suddenly Donut is by his side, helmet off and eyebrows raised. 

The front of his armour is dripping with blood. 

Wash starts panicking. This is not how this goes. He never engages with it. He just watches.

Always. 

"No! No... I don't. I didn't-" He tries to say, but Donut cuts him off again.

"Don't lie to me Agent Washington!" 

Wash has never seen him angry like this. 

"You would shoot me over Tucker every day! You feel bad about hurting me, yes, but I can see it in your eyes, even now. Just the thought that you may have killed him drives you crazy." Donut’s tone is wicked, unsettling and unreal, "But guess what? You would have. If it was him out at the outpost that day, you would have shot him without a second thought." 

"No! Stop this, I wouldn't!" Wash screams finally. He can't take this anymore. 

"You would, though." Another voice says, and Wash's eyes snap away from Donut only to see himself, his old self, the former agent walking over to them, "We would. Because we were ready to do everything to earn our freedom, remember? No big mouthed idiot would have stopped us from getting it. You know this, as much as you deny it." 

"No..." 

"Admit it, Wash." It's Tucker now. He's up, but his armour is barely blue due to the blood, his visor is cracked. His voice is soft, almost friendly, but it can't sound more wrong. "We all know it. Just like you did it now, you would have done it before, as well. You would have killed me."

"But I didn't. I didn't do it." Air isn't entering his lungs properly and he feels like he's drowning, voice small. His eyes sting with tears that refuse to fall. 

They all laugh and they sound so much bigger than him. Like giants, loud and cruel, ready to crush him any second. 

Then, his past self stops laughing. In a flash, he turns around and hits Tucker, sending his helmet flying to the side. Tucker falls to the ground and past-Washington is over him in a second, landing punch after punch to his face. Wash wants to scream but he can't. He's choking. Donut is still laughing just as hard next to him. 

"Are you going to let him do this to me?" Tucker asks between the punches. Wash still can't make a sound. "I thought you loved me, Wash..."

"...Wash! Wash, wake up! Wash!" Suddenly, he's pulled into consciousness by someone shaking him hard. His shirt is sticking to his body and his cheeks feel wet. 

"Tucker?" He asks, still disoriented from his dream. 

The shaking stops and the bed beside him sinks lower. 

"You were having a nightmare again." Tucker says quietly. 

Wash takes one more second before he bolts up into a sitting position and grabs Tucker's face, turning it over. There are no bruises on it. He moves his hands lower and the other's stomach appears to be intact as well. 

"What are you doing?" Tucker asks but Wash doesn't reply, he simply pulls him into a hug, relief washing over him once he's made sure his boyfriend is alright.

"What happened?" Tucker continues prompting as he hugs back. 

"I could have killed you." 

"What?" 

"I could have killed you. Back at Valhalla, when I was sent to retrieve the epsilon unit." He explains, voice muffled by the fabric of Tucker's shirt.

"That's ridiculous. I wasn't even there back then." Tucker says, chuckling a little. 

"But you could have been. And if you were, if it was you instead of Donut there... I could have killed you. I would have." 

Tucker says nothing for a while and Wash holds his breath. 

"Yes, you would. Because you didn't know me. You didn't know Donut, either. It's easier to pull the trigger on someone you don't know." He finally speaks, soft and warm and it has Wash's eyes filling up with tears. "But that doesn't make you a bad person, you just did what you thought was right back then. Right for yourself. And even if it had been me there, that wouldn't have changed anything."

"I would have never forgiven myself."

"You aren't quite doing it now either. But you should. Donut did, he can't hold a grudge for shit. And everyone else did as well. Because they understand. I understand." Tucker sighs and rubs his hand up and down Wash's back, who lets out a quiet whimper. 

"You should become a motivational speaker." He cracks out even if the tears are apparent in his tone. 

Tucker snickers. "I'm serious." He pulls away enough to lock their eyes. "Everything that happened is in the past. It could have gone a different way but it didn't and we should be grateful for that. We are here now, and so is everyone else, and you're a big part of the reason why we're still alive. Focus on that, yeah?" 

A sob threatening to escape his throat stops Wash from saying anything so he just nods. It's enough to make Tucker smile. 

"Good." He says and places a quick kiss on his lips. 

They lie back down, bodies tangled together, the way that makes Wash feel safe from everything, even reality itself. 

Tucker talks after that, talks about all and nothing: stupid stories about the time he was stationed at the Blood Gulch Outpost, or small moments he and Junior shared together, or other stories, some of which Wash doesn't even believe true, but they take his mind away, stop him from thinking about the nightmare. Before he knows it the first rays of sunshine sneak through the window, and Tucker is still talking because he understands, and that's why Wash loves him.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed this! Let me know what you think ;)


End file.
